


Counting Breaths

by Kei (strawberryjambouree)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Friends to lovers (implied), M/M, poetic narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 09:12:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6073563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryjambouree/pseuds/Kei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>one two three four five six<br/>six five four three two one<br/>zero.<br/>Nothing.<br/>Everything.</p><p> </p><p>It's one of his bad days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counting Breaths

There were good days, when the cold sweat never broke and neither did his voice. When he would display his small, slow smile and his gaze was focused and clear. When he could look Kuroo in the eyes, and say "Good morning" and mean it.

Today was not one of those days.

Kenma woke with a buzzing behind his eyes and a rapidfire heartbeat.

Heavy limbs.

Heavier head.

Brain both dull and sharp, far too sharp for thinking or feeling.

He breathed in

one two three four five six

and out

six five four three two one

zero.

Nothing.

Everything.

He forced himself out of bed, into clothes, out the door, into the world.

Kuroo joined him just a minute later, his insane bedhead sticking up every which way, as usual. He grinned easily, showing teeth, and raised a hand in greeting.

Kenma's hand stayed jammed in his pocket, collecting angry red marks from the way he clenched his fist.

He could see the moment Kuroo became wary.

Grin hesitantly sliding off,

feet moving just a half-beat quicker,

eyes widening just a fraction.

one two three four five six

"You okay?"

six five four three two one

zero.

Nothing.

"Yes."

Everything.

"That was way too long for such a simple answer."

Kenma glared, the pain spiking under his eyelids and spreading to the roof of his mouth.

"No, it wasn't."

"Is it a bad day?"

one two three four five six

one two three four five six

_one two three four five six_

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX

"No."

"Kenma. Look at me."

Kenma couldn't move

or breath

or think anything but

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX

ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO

_ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO_

"Kenma!"

He was vaguely aware of strong hands gripping his shoulders. He was all-too aware of the gasping breaths that filled his hollow skull, bouncing around and around and around but never escaping, for he had clamped his teeth over his lips and his hands over his ears and his nose was too busy sucking in rapidly thinning air.

Kenma could feel himself being pulled away, not back to where he had come from, but to Kuroo's house. His practical second home. He thought he heard Kuroo's mother, but then he remembered she wasn't even home at this time, and wondered if he had finally gone crazy.

zero zero zero zero

zero zero zero zero

He was going up stairs, or rather he was being carried up stairs, and Kuroo's voice was murmuring in his ear, "Breathe, Kenma, breathe. Match me."

And Kenma, through his haze, concentrated on the rise and fall of the chest pressed up against his.

one two three four five six

six five four three two one

zero.

Everything.

Again and again and again, and they were on a bed, Kuroo's bed, his eyes were shut tight but he knew the smell, and Kuroo hadn't left, was never going to leave.

He was still murmuring, breathing out sweet things that Kenma would forget in a minute.

"It's okay."

"I've got you."

"Keep breathing."

"Just breath, kitten."

one two three four five—

Kitten?

He could feel Kuroo tense just the tiniest but around him, and his eyes flew open. He stared at Kuroo, who was far too close, far too pink-cheeked.

"Sorry," he whispered. "That just slipped out."

He was terribly nervous. Kenma could see it in his eyes.

The slight contraction of his pupils

The glint of darkness in his liquid gold eyes

The flutter of his long, long lashes against Kenma's forehead.

They really were far too close.

"I don't mind."

His voice was ugly

cracked

broken

tiny.

But Kuroo only tightened his hold around Kenma's waist and back. "You really don't? It's..." He couldn't finish. He breathed in deeply. "It's what I've wanted to call you for a while now. I've wanted to... do a lot of things with you, but..." He laughed without humour. "I'm really just being selfish."

Kenma's mind reeled. Was this a confession? Or was he misinterpreting things, like he always worried he did?

"Please breathe."

Kenma breathed.

one two three four five six

six five four three two one

zero.

Kuroo.

"I don't mind that either."

Kuroo took a long time to respond. "You know what I'm saying, right?"

"Cats are supposed to be selfish. Especially alley cats."

Kuroo snorted. "What the hell? Alley cat? Is it 'cause of my hair?" The grin was cautious but present.

"Partly." Kenma nuzzled his head into the crook of Kuroo's neck and breathed in.

one two three four five six

six five four three two one

zero.

Kenma smiled.

"You really are like a kitten."

He felt lips press to the crown of his hair.

Warm

safe

promising

 _Kuroo_.

one two three four five six

"Was that okay?"

six five four three two one

"Yes."

 

 

 

_-fin-_

**Author's Note:**

> This story is rather personal and may be a bit nonsensical. I hope you liked reading it anyway. The closeness of Kenma and Kuroo is something I treasure in my own life. I hope someday you can have that, too.


End file.
